Loosening My Grip

I didn’t feel like blogging today… then I got back to my room, music playing upstairs, and I failed trying to fall asleep with too much on the brain… So here I am getting out my laptop and clearing my mind so that I can successfully sleep. I didn’t want to blog tonight since I am a bit moody and sleep deprived, and the last thing I want to do is give you all something glum and dreary to damped your 5-o’clock-isn’t-going-to-get-here-fast-enough time of day. Yet here I am...I somehow agreed to going to the kitchen earlier than my 12:45 start time (9:30) to make ravioli. It took forever… through lunch break and finishing close to 2. Quick run to get some food then I officially transferred to Garde Manger. Cubed up some mango, chopped some chives and then enjoyed 5 hours of looking for something to keep myself occupied. Everyone knew what was going on and as usual I expected my first day at the station a bit “deer in the headlights-ish,” but today was another successful night of chopped-liverhood. In the way, out of the way, and useless. Got the picture? Yep… you did, so I shall stop talking about my day right there.

Every once in a while someone posts on my Facebook or send me a message telling me that they are enjoying this mishmash of my daily goods and bads. To all of you reading, thank you. This blog has been a great help to me. I am a very visual person and writing things down helps me to process events, information, and sometimes my own thoughts. I tend to over-think and over –analyze. As easily as I can poke fun at myself I am also extremely hard on myself. I am a perfectionist and though I try hard at my work I am rarely fully confident and/ or content with it… I am human and therefore will always fail to reach that perfection I want, and writing this blog and reviewing what I write before I post is a good reminder of that. I am really trying to loosen my grip on a lot of things mental. Not be so tense or be so nervous over silly things. I am here as someone to be taught and molded. I’m not a chef yet... Even in the Spring when it says I am in paper, it will be years before I can really say that. I should try to make all my mistakes now so that someone can come along and show them to me, and me, not inwardly shrivel in embarrassment that I couldn’t figure it out on my own. This thing called life… Certainly is something isn’t it. I hope that the farther along I go in it the less cautious I will be when it comes to accepting lessons and learning. The more I learn the more I see how little I know. And though tonight wasn’t the greatest of working or learning days... it is still a day. A day I need to be thankful that it was made and I able to live it.

I already brushed my teeth but I think I need a cookie. I’m going to have it and celebrate the passing of first hour of my Tuesday. My Monday is over… yours will be too. (and well gone once I post this tomorrow night ;) ) Yay for sleeping in… Yay for 12:45 start time. Yay that my internship ends in 6 weeks and 2 days. And Yay that I am here in Germany for the next 6 weeks and 2 days chopping mirepoix.